July 6, 2004

  • I LOVE this poem...isn't this always the way, ladies?!
    I found it the other day, and thought I'd share...
    Please note...
    *I am not obsessed with any stupid jerk* 


     


    The Stupid Jerk I'm obsessed with
    By, Maggie Estep


    The stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
    stands so close to me
    I can feel his breath
    on my neck
    and smell
    the way he would smell
    if we slept together
    because he is the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
    and that is his primary function in life
    to be a stupid jerk I can obsess over
    and to talk to that dingy bimbette blonde
    as if he really wanted to hear about her
    manicures and
    pedicures and
    New Age ritualistic enema cures and
    truth be known, he probably does wanna hear about it
    because he is the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
    and he's obsessed with doing anything he can
    to lend fuel to my fire
    he makes a point of standing
    looking over my shoulder
    when I'm talking to the guy who adores me
    and would bark like a dog
    and wave to strangers
    if I asked him to bark like a dog
    and wave to strangers
    but I can't ask him to bark like a dog
    or impersonate any kind of animal at all
    cause I'm too busy
    looking at the way the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
    has pants on that perfectly define his well-shaped ass
    to the point where I'm thoroughly frantic
    I'm just gonna go home
    and stick my head in the oven
    overdose on nutmeg and aspirin
    and sit in the bathtub reading The Executioner's Song
    and being completely confounded by the fact
    that I can see
    the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with's face
    defining itself in the peeling plaster of the wall
    grinning and winking
    and I start to yell,
    Get the hell out of there
    You're just a figment of my imagination
    Just get a life and get out of my plaster
    and pass me the next painful situation please
    but he just keeps on
    grinning and winking
    he's the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
    and he's mine
    in my plaster
    And frankly, I couldn't be happier.


    © Maggie Estep

Comments (8)

  •  THIS POEM ALSO...BTW IM NOT "OBSESSED" WITH A STUPID JERK EITHER HEHEE

  • That poem is cool!! That totally sucks about the van's transmission!! What make and model is it so we can all be forewarned?!? Though I won't need a van, we have a future family friendly 4-Runner...

  • So... does this Stupid Jerk you don't have an obsession with have a name???

    *evil grin*

    Sail on... sail on!!!

  • LOL that is GREAT! Thanks for sharing it... definately a good read.

  • This made me tear-up and smile.  I used to be that person, but I don't have a Stupid Jerk anymore.   Now I am married to the guy who would bark and wave to strangers if I asked him to.

    Merry Part and Blessed Be

  • some parts confused me
    but i need to not read when tired lol
    but otherwise interesting (:

  • Awesome!  I just had to laugh and read it to my friend Audrey.  Thanks for sharing!

  • read it :)   Didn't get it, but I read it:)

    Explain it to me later:)
    Many Blessings

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