So..still writing!

Maybe I'm a little freaked out again about the girl thing.  I really like her.  A lot.  But she scared me last night.  Because she said the L word.  And not the tv show.  And I just looked at her.  Because holy shit.  I'm not prepared for that.  Ever.  Color me bitter, color me jaded...just don't color me commited.  yikes.

(p.s.  yes, Autmn, I know I sound like a jerk right there, but you know what I mean..)

So..writing.  new one.  I kind of like it.  But I don't wanna hear any rainbow jokes..got it? 

Smeared Rainbow

Midnight eats dawn in the early hours of lonely,
Swallowed dreams, dust clung to ruby throat.
Shifts slightly- With ease, into nightmares, sharp and tender.

Air is a whispered memory, choked down cold
Between fast paced years, and faster draws.
Slaughtering the patched-worked clock
Checked in quarters, to force feed
Tinkling shards of idealic human will.

I suck on the seconds, writhe in the eclipsed moments,
While barren limbs overlap minutes and lines.
Yet, there are times
When breath breaks the barriers
Of silent kaleidoscope screams
Ridden in unaccounted, slick color.

And I suffocate on rainbows.
Wallowing, unintentionally
As they python around my swollen pulse.
Blurred smear of paint squeezed down
Half hazard/full scale wounds
Where reach embraces orphaned need
With a shuddered, tasteless sigh
Before the flinch and sprint (vs. fight and flight)-
Leaving only a stained glass shadow
Where my open arms used to be.

It has been a while, huh?

Geez.  Maybe i've been busy (a lot).  And I've been writing on and off, which really helps with the 'needing to get stuff out'.  I've been going out on the weekends.  I've been meeting some really cool people.  The kind of people you want in your life, because you know they are suppose to be there.

And I met a girl.  Her name is Jess.  And she's amazing.  Like....really really amazing.  And it scares the shit out of me.  She thinks i'm amazing, too.  A lot.  It's interesting.

And frightening.  Because, I'm sure eventually she'll realize what a jerk I am, and run screaming in the opposite direction.

But..I'm having a lot of fun.  And learning a lot.  And laughing a lot.  I kind of forgot what that was like.  So I'm enjoying it. 

I'm also trying super hard to keep a balance between dating, and keeping my close relationships with my friends.  It's been good so far...we'll see.

And...a poem.  I'll try to make it the only mushy one I do.  Because after I wrote it, I threw up in my mouth a little

She, as a River

She flows as the perfect form. 

Pliant and rough.  Kitten-soft and razor spliced.

Her contradictions play at my mind,

As her teeth nibble-graze at my stash of melancholy.

Teasing me, in abstract certainty before turning a circle

And going in for the kill

(where, as prey I flee only far enough to be caught)

And I can’t find a way to wrap

Around the contours of her smile tight enough.

To stomach her laugh, to chew on her words.

Her secrets fit snuggly,

Burning amber and willing underneath my tongue

Safe and snug

For all things unsaid to be swallowed in startled gasps

And gasp… I do, as her eyes look into mine

As I’m sure, at this moment (and maybe the next)

That no one has seen this distance before.

Discovery is an untamed thing,

Wild and unforgiving in the forge.

 I am left worn, in abstained tatter.

Tangled in limbs, and carefully placed confessions

Fluid in collide

Where, she becomes the star pupil

On all the many diverse and abundant ways

To sparkle-shine under my skin

Glowing bright and sharp in

Varying degrees of night/day contrasts

Reminding me that time, has boundaries

Save for the borders kept for crossing.

As she flows, in perfect form

And I drown in both depth and elevation
Free floating in the current we create