October 30, 2007

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    I have cool kids.

    Emily is so accepting, and loyal, and sweet.  James is just good.  He is James the Good.  The sweetest, the best little boy in the universe.

    We are watching the backyardigans now...monster mash, I think it's my new favorite.  :)

    I haven't eaten yet, except one taco yesterday (which makes me laugh a lot on the inside).  But I slept last night.  7 hours. When I went to bed, Emily was there, curled up on Rachels side of the bed, sleeping.  It was so sad.  She said she doesn't know if she can go a 'whole' two weeks without Rachel living with us.  I told her in might be longer than two weeks.  It might be always.  I just feel like I need to be honest with them, prepare them as well.

     This morning, I feel better.  Not the kind of better where I feel like taking on the world, but the kind of better where i'm not crying every 15 seconds.  Hey, that's a start.

    I don't know what else to say.  I'm numb now.  She hasn't talked to me, called me.  I don't know what I expected.  I feel like I'm going through detox.  It's weird.  I guess I didn't mean all that much to her, as she easily walked away.  Wrap me in styrafome and call me disposable.

    I'm off to start cleaning.  maybe.  Maybe I'll just watch the backyardigans with James for a while.

    I hope everyone has a great day!  xo

Comments (2)

  • oh babygirl i've been there. i've been where you are right now. and my heart weeps for you. let the tears come if they need to, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. you are amazing and there is nothing wrong with being intense. i am here if you need me.

  • ..been down this road a time or two myself.. i suppose we all have been.. best thing you can do for yourself is to get active... find things to fill up the days of your life..not people, or bars, but things.. like classes, journaling, submerging yourself in friends and family...go about the business of making you the best you, you know how to be...  don't make yourself out to be the victim, or to lay blame... just allow yourself time... time to breathe, time to move on, time to find yourself again...

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