October 29, 2007

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    I dont' know if it's wrong to beleive.  Or not.  But I do.  I just don't feel like this is over.  Maybe in a month, I'll look back at this and say "God, I really didn't have a freaking clue".  I don't know.  I just have to go with my heart, and my intuition, and my beleif that we fit.

    We told the kids.  Emily cried..but was okay...she really was.  James doesn't get it.  He just wants her to be here for Halloween.

    She took her clothes this morning, but nothing else.  She said she'd give it a couple weeks, before taking everything..just to make sure.  I know she's doing it to make it easier on me.  Which is really sweet.  Maybe I just think with space, she'll realize how much she misses and needs us...and come home.  She stayed the night last night.  She held me while I cried, and let me fall asleep in comfort.  She's sweet.  She is worried about me because I can't eat.  But maybe this will help me lose weight.  ;)   I'm atleast having protien shakes.  And I know there is some nutrients in tequila, right?  I'm sure of it.

    This would be easier if she wasn't amazing.  If I didn't see a future with her.  If I didn't feel like home when I'm with her.

    I go to work today.  Again.  And I hope today I don't suck as bad as I did yesterday.  Because yesterday I sucked a lot at work.  Maybe I'll even try for a little make up.  So I don't look so much like a zombie.  That's for Wednesday.