October 27, 2007

  • i feel like i'm left in memories.

     

    I woke up in our bed.  I stepped over our clothes to get to the bathroom.  her shower gel, loofah, in the shower.  I walk into the kitchen and see our picture on the fridge.  I see her things.  Everywhere.

    And it makes me so sad.  And mad.  Yes, there is definately anger coming to the surface.  Anger and her.  And at me.  Because I let her 'move in'...without really moving in.  She kept her place..that she can now go back to.  Take her stuff to.  Start over.  And i'm left here....in the ashes of us.  I have to live it.  I have to look around, and remember everything that happened in this house.  I have to explain to the kids it's just us again.  I have to somehow fill up the empty places and make it a home.  And make it full of love, and life, and fun...for them.  When really, I just want to throw everything away, and move.  Because the memories make me so fucking sad.

    She said she would love me always.  She fucking lied.

    And instead...i'm left...with her stuff everywhere...and my heart breaking.

     

    Today, is going to suck.