November 8, 2004

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  ( picture coming as soon as Xana is through doing their thing...dammit!)

  
  

   

  
  

  Where in the world have I been? 

  
  

  *Working.  A lot.  And still enjoying it...mostly.  I feel like it's all I do, and I miss my kids terribly.  But I also DO NOT want to go back to the person I was last spring.  I actually like who I am right now.  I'm comfortable with me, with my talents, my downfalls, and my heart.

  
  

  * Breathing.  I do a lot of that now.  Deep breathing, deep thinking.  Trying to learn all I can about me, and only compromising on things I know I can.  I'm not giving myself to anyone but....me.

  
  

  * Playing.  With my kids.  With Mike.  With my friends.  I laugh more.  And I find the more I laugh, the more my heart feels light and free.

  
  

  * Keeping up.  With me at work 40 hours a week, my days off are spent cleaning, shopping, and....cleaning.  And we all know how much I love that, now, don't we?

  
  

  * Feeding my Heart.  Charmed once said that I needed to feed my heart.  And I thought that I was.  Come to find out, I was feeding other parts of me.  Now, though, I've found a way to feed it.  A way for ME to do it.   Poetry has done that for me.  And I thank the gods every day for that outlet.

  
  

  *Seeing.  I see a lot more now, than ever before.  Different perspectives, different views.  I feel as though I've grown years in the last six months.  And it's not a bad thing, at all.  I truly did wake up from the 'stay at home mom' of 5 years, to now.  And I'm not saying staying at home with your children is a bad thing.  Eventually, I'd like to work part time.  But I'm enjoying this now.  And I'm enjoying the money.  I needed to get out, and find ME, and have something that was mine, and I'm doing that.

  
  

  * Therapy.  Sliding down the hill past a separation, let me tell you, therapy is the way to go.  Just to have someone to mull things over with.  To help you put a different perspective on all the events, and your feelings on them.  It makes me feel mentally stable...( shhhh...no comments on this, now...lol)

  
  

  Other than that, it's the day to day.  But in a good way.  We had a little girl run over in the community that I work at.  She is 8, and after two weeks in the hospital, is coming home today.  Severe burns on her back, broken foot, some healed head injuries...and two surgerys later.  She was stuck under the car.  And the car wasn't going fast.  She just dashed  between two cars...there was nothing anyone could have done.  But it kills me to know that this happened.  I was there, I saw her.  And after the inital shock, and the comand I needed to have to calm the masses, I just broke.  All the way home, I just kept thinking how that could have been Emily.  That could have been my baby.   Now, I'm the bitch at the office, who yells at all the kids to stay outta the road, and who gives them candy, when I see them riding their bikes with helmets on.

  
  

  Where are their parents, you ask?   Good question.   When I signed up for this job, I had no idea I would end up wearing so many hats.   Bitch, counselor, best friend, confidant, parent...and Assistant Manager.  Along with getting to make those nasty calls to vendors who arn't doing their jobs....
  It's a lot.  But it's a lot that I love.

  
  

  I'm so slacking on reading everyone.  I try, but it's so hard.  I moderate on a poetry site...and I sleep.   

  
  

  (get ready for the mush)

  
  

  But I want you all to know how important you all are to me....all of you.  I read, I stay caught up, even if I'm not commenting... You were all there in a very important time for me.  When I was fucking up, and when I was finding ME.  And I have never, in my life, had the support like I do here.

  
  

  So, thank you.  I truly love you all....

  
  

  I'll be back soon....Promise..

  
  

  xoxo
  
  Jen

  • 3:43 pm
  • 19 Comments