September 26, 2004
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Learning to be Super-Jen
( Or atleast, Keepittogether Jen!)
Time seems a thing in short supply as of late...
My subs are dropping like flies...and that's hard for me, because I really get an ego boost from that...but it's okay, really, because I just don't have the time to blog like I used to do. And that's okay, too, because I'm spending time with my kids, when I'm not working. My life is crazy. But it's full.
I've found, though, that the saying "Never say never" really is true. In so many ways...but I see it so strongly with my children right now. I'm sure it's their ages, but there has been times in the last couple of months, where I feel the need to bury my face, and shake my head...
On one of my days off, I took the kids for a walk. We ran into a women who was once the captain of the neighborhood watch. It's someone I'd had to extract myself from, because she's....clingy. But we were chatting, and she was telling me what she was doing. Emily says.." You're fat"...but we were in the middle of a conversation, and the woman didn't hear her. I shook my head, and did my best "Mommy-glare"...in no words telling Emily to keep her mouth shut.
Yeah. That didn't work. If you know Emily, you wouldn't be suprised. See, she got a reaction from me, so of course she needs to try again. And she did.
"Hey!" She said, making sure we both gave her our full attention...
"Do you know what?" She asked in her sweetest voice ever...
This woman looks at her...such a gentle smile on her face...I'm sure deluded into thinking my daughter is an angel...
"You're fat"...
Uh. yeah. Shit.
The woman actually said.." Why, thank you." In her fake nice voice.
I thought I would die on the spot. Fat isn't a concept Em understands yet. Or atleast I thought she didn't. It's not something we say..."Hey that ladies fat" or " wow, look how fat I look today"....
I actually spell the word..." Hey honey? Does this dress make me look F.A.T.??" ....and this is where Mike would say "Of course not honey!" instead of " It's not the dress that would make you look fat..."..( okay, bad joke...)
So needless to say, Em was in some big-ass trouble. BIG. She wouldn't have been, if it had only been that first time. But she didn't heade my " Big Bad Mommie" look, so she was in deep...poop. If she had only said it that first time, we would have had a big talk, so she would understand what had happened, and how she had hurt the womans feelings....And we did have that talk...after she went to bed with NO books, no songs, just strait to bed. And I called Mike, and listened to him laugh, and I cooled down enough to go have a talk with her, without my face pinched in controled anger. Which was good for both of us. But still, I avoid the street next to us when we go on walks now..
Another thing...James. He's a yeller, and a screamer. Randomly. He'll just sit in his carseat and yell. Loud. Or when we are at Ikea. He'll just randomly start screaming.
Yeah. Fun. I used to glare at people when their kids did that. Now I'm one of them. ONE. OF. THEM. Yes, that's me. I'm a parent of a screamer. A 16 month old screamer. I put my hand over his mouth, but you can only do so much that way. I stick a nuckel in his mouth...and..yeah...he bites me, I yelp...and he laughs..hard...before he continues with his screaming song. Maybe he's going to be a Heavy Metal singer? Ya think?
So not much eles is really going on...same ol, same ol...but with tons of stuff added. I may be back later tonight or tomorrow, because I miss writing...we'll see how my time is looking. I am still writing poetry, which you can find here, if you want.
Take care everyone. And if you're thinking of have a child, or more children....
Look here before you go to bed....we call this birth control.
No, really. My kids are wonderful. I love them more than anything.
But they are heathens. Oy.
Take care you guys!
xoxo
Me
Comments (17)
Those are both natural age things. That blunt honesty thing...she's at an age of not realizing others' feeling yet...I'm sure when you explained it hurt the lady's feelings she internalized it. I've heard it all from kids in first grade who haven't learned that yet. I've heard, "Those are ugly shoes", "why is your nose bigger than mine?" and others I can't remember offhand....hehe
You say "heathen" like it's a bad thing...
Thanks for the update -- thought maybe you'd dropped off the face of the Earth. It's good to know that you're doing well.
I remember the only time I remarked about someone being fat. I was probably four years old at the time, at the grocery store with my mother and little sister. There was a woman in the store who was morbidly obese, and I pointed her out to my mother, "Look, mom, that lady over there is really fat." I got that mom look in return, and an explanation in the car.
I was aware that other people had feelings, and was a sensitive-enough child that I never intentionally hurt another's feelings, but I didn't know that the word "fat" could be taken as offensive. To my four year old mind, skinny and fat were a lot like tall and short, blonde and brunette, green eyes and blue. Just physical characteristics. I remember wondering why the woman's feelings would be hurt; didn't she know she was fat?
Hug on those kids for a while and remember that it all flies by so, so fast that one day you'll look back on this time and laugh, and wish there had been many more of them.
Take care and be well!
Yeah, I used to be one of those judgemental women too, the ones who were sure their children would be perfect. Ha! Mine yell, scream, have fits, and more.
You are doing a great job.
I remember when my daughter was little and we were standing in line for the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. It was the first time that my daughter had ever seen a person of color. I was holding her in my arms and she was looking back over my shoulder. She turned to me and said, "Mommy, that woman is dirty." The woman just smiled and told her, "No, Honey, I'm black." I was mortified but the woman and I talked the rest of the time in line and she just thought that it was the cutest thing.
I'm so glad that you're getting to spend more time with your kids. That is such a wonderful thing to be able to do. Have a good one!
I can't imagine why you are losing subs , I'm all the more intriqued to hear what you are up to when you do blog.
I am not sure I have been recieving your blogs in my inbox tho....not sure why so I am going to re-sub to make sure.
I've had a similar experience with Blue and her noticings of appearance, and I'll just nicely remind her, right in front of the person, that while I know that she's just making an observation, just saying something she finds interesting,that some people's feelings can be hurt because they don't know she's not trying to be mean. And then I'll add..."anyhow, it's great to be fat, more to hug" or something.
Oh, gawd, this makes me remember the time my son and I were standing in the checkout line at HEB (a chain of Texas grocery stores), I think he was about 3 or so. Anyway, he had this way of associating people with their hair color....well, I'm sure you can guess what happened next...
He sees this black lady in the next line with long, black dreadlocks...and all of a sudden, points and says, "Mommy, look at the black lady!" Quite loudly. I wanted to crawl under my basket, LOL!
Luckily, she didn't hear him, but I did the, "Yes, honey, I see her long black hair, isn't it COOL?" just in case anyone else heard him. Like you say, Oy!
lol, to what you said before, don't worry i have more then one blog as well, lol maybe it helps keep the voices in my head from fighting lol.
and to what you wrote here, all i am have to say is this is why i think i will never have kids, lol lord only knows how i would lose my hair from pulling it out lol.
i like kids just not when they come home with me =)
oh yeah about beign a woman who plays with poetry,
thruthful words are not beautiful; beautilful words are not truthful. he who knows has no wide learning; he who has wide learning does not know.
get it?
=)
kids are so damn honest it hurts--lol--i've been trying to get to your sight forever and it was taking so long to load i just gave up--but i'm back---lol--i love your sihght--hehe--especially the pic of the woman she is ultimately sexy like that---hugs--Scarlett
Kids to keep ya humble, hmmm? *grin*
you need to write a book on all the funny stuff your kids do! you always have me howling with laughter!!
your kids are awesome!
love
liz
hey, I admire anyone that has kids because I know I never could!! Been wondering how you have been. I know how it is when you're busy. Just check in once in awhile so we know how you are!!
heh, i lost subscribers when i took my blogiday to work on my photos and such. but you know, the hangers on are the ones who make the difference. the drive by subbers will come and go no matter what. and next time i'm in the store and i hear the screaming child, i'll think differently about it.
just don't let james bite your finger off!!!
take care. (by the way, i love the photos you use on princess buttercup. and here for that matter!!!)
oy i am having to read alot tonight lol
love ya hun, when i can i will see if i can get msn an yahoo back up
as for the lil darlings, gotta love a childs comments, heh
for me i would walk into a room when i was a kid an say something that was very serious but apparently very one found me funny when i did that.
DOnt ask what complex i got from it
jk
As a morbidly obese woman I have had it happen too many times to count: I always feel badly for the young child who is innocently making an observation, often after having been drilled on big/small, tall/short, skinny/fat etc and garnering praise for correct answers. In my younger years I would feel so ashamed and wish I could drop thru the floor. As I got older and more pragmatic about myself and children I realized that part of the embarassment is the shushing and extreme correction that parents sometimes make, which implies the child did say something I ought to be ashamed of... it made me feel so isolated.
The other aspect is that MY reaction depended more on how I was feeling about myself at the moment, than the comments of outsiders and their ignorance. Your being friendly to her and chatting was a great thing - there are folks who would have ignored her and walked by, simply based on her size!
I have been taunted and ridiculed cruelly by teens and older children who clearly knew it was hurtful. That is much harder to take.
I felt sad when I read that you don't go on her block anymore - that only adds to the isolation. I would encourage you at least occasionally to "risk" it, especially if you are known to each other on some level as neighbors. Am sure it's not the first time it's happened.
anyway, I don't mean to instruct you at all - just sharing from a fat woman's experience.
Wandering Xanga. I love your background and layout here.
I love reading your site. Its always so interesting.
-W
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